Spicy Tales of My Life

I am feeling satisfied, calm. It is the happiness in its purest form. Not the one which causes unrest in the mind by filling it with excitement but the kind which relives you of a perpetual longing. I just satisfied one of my eternal yearnings. It has given me pain for so long that I learned to succumb to it. I just thought I will never be able to overcome that pain. I thought of it to be a sickness that I have to suffer for the rest of my life. To know my pain you should know my tale, here it goes,

It was a Thursday night and we all were sitting before the T.V. It was Chitrahaar (Chitra-lahari in telugu) time. All kids from neighborhood assembled in my house, for we were one of the very few privileged owners of a black and white TV in my neighborhood. I was only hoping for two things, First I did not want the power to go off at any cost and I just wanted to see one song of chiranjeevi with lots of dance.. He was one of the best dancers south has got. He was my idol. As I was eagerly waiting, the program made a disappointing start with an old song of NTR as usual. All kids including me moaned in unison.

My mom shouted,

“You children have no respect for classical music. This is 100 times better than your chiranjeevi song”

“I can sing better than this,”

I stood up and made a mocking of NTR with his body language which evoked a surge of laughter from everyone including my mother. Then I sat down and just started counting numbers. This was my technique to get past the boring songs of chitrhaar. By the time you count 300 any song must get over. Song after song I saw the entire generation of old telugu actors. My luck really seemed bad that day. I just prayed that I might at least get to listen to one new song of either Nagarjuna or Balakrishna who can dance but not where close to the level of my favorite actor. There were only 5 mins of chitrahaar remaining and then it happened.

“Chikubaku chikubaku raile…”

I looked for chirnajeevi in the song but I couldn’t find him. Suddenly a guy jumps out of nowhere and starts shaking his body. He was twisting, contorting his body sending convulsions through it and was jumping and shaking at the same time. The best part of it all was that the movements were in sync with the rhythm. His movements were fast, faster than Chiranjeevi, faster than anybody else I have ever seen. had I known Michael Jackson I would have thought differently. Actually I had not seen the legend moon walk before 96, when he came to India for a tour. I only happen to see a glimpse of his moonwalk when it was shown in the news.

I was observing all his moves. Generally I start imitating the steps of chirnajeevi as soon as the song starts but this was different, I was just enjoying it. A great dance is like a great song. No matter how good a singer you are you just want to listen to a great song than hum it, and no matter how good a dancer you are you’d just like to watch a great dance than dance it. The song reached its crescendo. I just could not control myself and jumped. By body picked up steps at an amazing rate. I felt as if I was not doing it but as if it was all happening. I suddenly heard everybody around me wooing, cheering. For the First time in my life I felt the real dancer in me. It was the charm of A.R Rehman melodious music and Prabhudeva’s dance that has gotten onto me. When he shaked his leg I shaked mine, when he bent his spine I bent mine. It was like magic. Everybody started clapping and I was lost.

“T.V Bandh karo 

(Shut down the TV.)

It was a roar that I am acutely aware of, My dad. He was not supposed to be home that early, he always comes 15 minutes after chitrahar. Nobody moved and he went ahead and switched off the T.V.

“You don’t do homework and watch T.V all the time. Now you are so spoilt that you are dancing like a loafer.”

I knew there was at least 2 mins of the song left. I went ahead and switched on the T.V which seem to offend him but I begged,

“It is a good song. I’ll do my homework after the song”

I was slapped and the T.V was shut down.

“If I ever saw you dancing I’ll break your legs.”

That was an end an end to a life I never got to have. Since that day I only danced in closed spaces where I never heard any cheering or applause but only danced for myself. I went to the weddings of my relatives and watched my self-proclaimed dancer of a cousin’s pathetic dance steps and clapped in silence(Sorry munna. No offense, You are but a dancer.). I always missed annual days of my school as I wanted to excuse myself of the cheap imitations of Michael Jackson’s moon walk which made celebrities out of losers. When a gal I had crush on asked what I am really good at, I said anything but dance. When my dad said he likes this new guy hritik cuz he dances well, I got so frustrated that I broke the bathroom tap.

I should have lost it, my passion for dancing. I do not know what kept it alive all this while. I am still not a complete dancer. I cannot dance in a group nor can I synchronize steps for a duet as I keep forgetting them and make unrehearsed steps of my own on stage sometimes. I make a face of an ass while dancing because in my life I rarely danced with the intention of pleasing the crowd. Sometimes my right leg moves instead of my left but that hardly matters if I am doing a solo. 

I danced again when I was out of home for the first time in the fresher’s party during my graduation days. It was not a performance though; just shaking a bit of leg in disco. In fact I went to the disco for the very first time. Encouraged by the response, Next year I gave my first performance on stage. It was an amazing experience. When you are on stage, it is a feeling you cannot describe in words. When people cheer at you, holler your name, your soul gets elated by the intensity of a power, which did not emanate within you but outside you. It just feels like each soul in the crowd has powered your soul with a bit of their energy. I am very lucky to have that heavenly experience which is definitely an out of the world feeling. One of the most interesting things is my dad’s response when I showed him my video. He liked it, he kept it in his mobile and showed it to his colleagues and boasted many times that he has got an artist of a son.

Later to improve my dancing I tried learning salsa but without much avail. The guy in most of the Latin dance forms has to be solid and female who has to flow like fluid. Whenever I did it, I could not constrain myself and overdid whatever I was supposed to. Finally, I gave it up and started doing whatever I did best. 

So far I have given 5 performances on stage but never did a prabhudeva. I was afraid that I could not match the legend. When ever I saw his songs on T.V I changed the channel as it gave me some sort of suffering, the reason of which i did not not understand. I always wanted to dance to his songs like the way he did but cudn't make my mind to give an attempt.

Thanks to my reincarnation as a student in GIM I got a chance to do it. It is still a cheap imitation and the result is not what exactly I had in mind but when the crowd supported my act I got to satisfy my eternal yearnings.It just felt like that same 9 years old kid I once was, dancing to the tune of “chikubaku chikkubaku raile” but this time with nobody to stop me. I am thankful to the crowd for being a part of my dream and for making it come true this time. The pain is now gone and i feel like a free soul.